For over 14 years, I’ve had the privilege of working with thousands of couples—each one unique and wonderful in their own way. But through all those years, one painful pattern emerged again and again: couples drifting into emotional isolation and loneliness.

I thought I understood it. I really did. But when it started happening in my own marriage, it finally clicked. I saw how easy it is to slip into that dark place of disconnect—where you feel like you’re living with a roommate instead of a partner. And it broke me open in a way I didn’t expect.

Because the truth is, communicating honestly—really exposing your thoughts and feelings in a raw, vulnerable way—is terrifying. It’s risky. But here’s the thing: it’s a risk worth taking.

When Life Changes, So Do Relationships

When our children were born, everything shifted. The connection we once shared started to fade. I felt in the dark about my husband’s thoughts and feelings, and I could feel the effort to nurture our marriage slowly disappearing. I felt misunderstood—not just about how I was feeling, but about what was actually required of me as a mom and a wife once kids entered the picture.

After a few years of this growing distance, I hit a breaking point. The emotional toll on me—and on our kids—was too much to ignore. Ending our marriage wasn't an option for me. I truly believe 95% of marriages are reparable, but I also couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine.

So I took the plunge. I shared my feelings. I shared my truth.

We had hard conversations—conversations that were full of fear, uncertainty, and discomfort. I finally got clear about what I needed and where I stood. I needed things to change.

The Quiet Drift into "Roommate Mode"

I think a lot of couples get stuck in the "roommate situation." It happens slowly, almost without you noticing it. One partner starts to pull away, and the other is left feeling lonely and resentful. But instead of talking about it, we stay silent. We convince ourselves it’s fine—or that it’s too scary to face head-on.

But here’s what I’ve learned: silence and avoidance don’t protect a marriage. They erode it.

Thankfully, my husband and I started talking—really talking. We leaned on the principles of the Gottman Method (which I've used for with couples for years), and we stopped pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t. Facing the truth—especially the messy, uncomfortable truths—was exactly what helped us find a way forward.

And you know what? That transparency—that willingness to be honest, even when it hurt—brought us back to each other. It showed us that even the hardest conversations could be faced together. And that’s what keeps us moving forward, one honest conversation at a time.

Why Communication is Key In my work with couples over the years, I’ve seen this dynamic play out time and time again, especially after children enter the picture. One partner (often the one in the wife or mother role) feels overwhelmed, unsupported, and disconnected. But the missing piece is almost always clear communication, transparency and tough conversations.

So many couples assume that everything is “fine” or “good enough.” But without transparent, honest communication, resentment starts to build. Conflict resolution breaks down. And before you know it, the foundation of your relationship—the Gottman Sound Relationship House—begins to crumble.

Love Isn’t Always Easy—But It’s Worth It

Marriage isn’t a fairy tale. It’s not effortless. It’s hard. It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable more often than we’d like to admit.

And you know what? That’s okay. That’s normal.

Society tells us that marriage should always feel good, that we should always feel “in love.” But that’s not real life. Real love requires effort—daily effort. It means leaning into the hard stuff, even when you’d rather avoid it. It means risking vulnerability, even when it feels terrifying.

But that’s where the magic happens. That’s where deep, lasting connection is built.

If you’re struggling in your relationship right now, please hear me when I say this: you’re not alone. Every relationship faces challenges—big and small. The most powerful thing you can do is open up. Be vulnerable. Be real.

It may be the hardest thing you’ll ever do—but it’s worth it.

The path to a strong, connected relationship isn’t always easy—but it’s possible. It starts with the courage to have the tough conversations. And that’s where the real work—and the real healing—begins.

If You’re Not Feeling Safe…

If you’re in a relationship where expressing your thoughts and feelings feels unsafe or dangerous, that’s a sign that something isn’t right. No one deserves to feel afraid or unheard.

If you need support, please reach out. Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Seek help from a counselor or a support organization. Your safety and well-being matter. You are not alone, and you deserve to feel supported and valued.

Love is meant to feel safe. You deserve that. And you are worthy of it.

You’re Stronger Than You Think

Marriage isn’t perfect. It’s not supposed to be. But with honesty, effort, and a willingness to lean into the hard conversations, healing is possible.

You’re not alone on this journey. And you are so much stronger than you think. Communication skills are learned and our team at The Relationship Wellness Clinic can help you learn them together.